Jacob laid on his bed, unable to sleep. It was already Thursday night. Soon, Kath would come to his place and he would give her his thanking gift. Only, she wanted to talk about something and Jacob couldn’t help but panic. If she is to tell him something… Something negative was a possibility and, even if it was pointless, he couldn’t help but feel nervous about it.
He’d used his whole week meditating and planing on Friday, trying to know what she wanted to tell him. Finally, he’d come to the reasoning that if she wanted to tell him something negative, he would need to eclipse her with something else.
After planning it for so long, his anxiousness had turned him into a wreck. “What if it fails? What if I can’t do it?” He thought. In the end, though, he’d accepted his fate. He’d look as natural as he could and as casual as he’d planned to be. He would give his gift to Kath and then… Then, he would “demand” his gift from her.
Jacob rolled around on his bed. He dared not think about it now. She might get really mad at him. She might hit him in the face. He’d thought about this a million times. He’d even accepted the slap as a part of the plan by now.
“There’s no way I can tell her with words, anyway.” He thought again. “So I might as well tell her like this and take the consequences along with it… It’s not like I’m going to assault her or anything…”
He frowned, feeling bad again. He’d lacked too much sleep for the last days again. He feared to fall sick from exhaustion once more and shivered.
“I must sleep now.” He thought.
But, sadly, sleep never came and he had to get up. He stared out his window for a long time until he decided to relax with a shower. When he flicked the light to the bathroom, he was suddenly overwhelmed by his feverish memories of last week and he choked on them, coughing hard.
“There’s no going back.” He told himself. “Might as well go all out.” He sighed, undressing himself and jumping under the pouring hot water. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his heart but it did not help.
The water gently fell over his face, searching for his eyes, stinging at them like microscopic needles, invading his nose and making it impossible to breathe. After a few second, he gasped for air. The anxiousness he’d felt all week was suddenly replaced by a strange aching in his chest. He clawed at his bare skin, trying to grab at his heart in vain.
“I’m done feeling like this” He thought. “If I can’t do it nicely, I’ll do it to tease her. I’ll do it to laugh when she blushes…” He tried to reassure himself but it made him feel wicked and he hated himself for it. These were not matters he wanted to laugh about. Teasing her this way would be mean and he felt like a jerk… Except, thinking about the face she would make still made him grin.
“I was never nice to begin with.” He told himself. “I’ve always been a jerk…” Those were words he believed in even if they were false. When he was finally done with his shower, he went back to bed and this time, fell asleep quickly.